Out of Tweets: Twitter Truths about Marriage

Marital conflict is at the heart of Out of Play, but not the Hollywood version. The "Why can't you just put your shoes in the closet" version. That’s right, we are talking real life.
And like any smart spouse, I've been on the lookout for marital advice on twitter. Here's my list of Top Ten Twitter Truths on Marriage.
Which is your favourite?

him: what's wrong?
me: nothing i'm fine
[we live a long prosperous life together]
me kneeling at his casket: i just think it's funny how-

— errkuh (@hairicaaa) July 25, 2016

[buying a house]
REALTOR: What if I told you this place is a castle?
WIFE: This is just a bouncy house
ME: Let him finish, Karen

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) May 17, 2016

In my dating service, I match two total strangers for a trip to Home Depot. If they end up yelling at each other, they should be married.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 2, 2016

I yelled CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE at my husband as he exited the gas station men's room & now the line for the women's is getting restive

— Eileen Curtright (@eileencurtright) July 1, 2016

My wife and I will celebrate our 15 year anniversary tonight by flipping a coin to see who takes our 10 year old to softball practice.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 16, 2016

[marriage counseling]

She's constantly mad at me

"There are squirrels living in our house"

THEY WERE HOMELESS, KAREN

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) December 3, 2015

Never would've thought you could get into a 20-min argument w/ someone about the orientation of venetian blinds on a window yet here we are.

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) May 30, 2016

Baby...tonight let's put the kids to bed, turn the lights down low, pour some wine, put Sade on Pandora & argue about the ceiling fan speed.

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 8, 2014

Vaping is bullshit. I smoke my cigarettes like a man, in the garage, hiding from my wife.

— EdgarJohnson (@edgarrants) December 6, 2015

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My husband's biggest flaw is not realizing the severity of the situation when I say "everything's fine."

— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) November 7, 2015

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